


Music Is the Shorthand of Emotion

by grahamhannah53



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Kage Bunshin | Shadow Clones, Kakashi has his own sexy jutsu, M/M, Shameless Smut, Songfic, basically im making this an interactive fic with song lyrics woven in, damaged kakashi, just read it please, light bdsm themes kind of?, like a game of wheres waldo but with lyrics, misuse of shadowclones, misuse of sharingan, naked iruka clones, what is it you ask?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-03 08:30:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21176447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grahamhannah53/pseuds/grahamhannah53
Summary: Each of them have their own ideas of how things were left between them.Hatake Kakashi is Iruka's ex-boyfriend that he's not sure he'll ever be over.Umino Iruka is 'the one that got away' for the infamous Copy Ninja, Kakashi.The common denominator is this: they love each other, madly, deeply, desperately, and are too stubborn to show it until Kakashi is hit with a rather nasty enemy jutsu that makes him beg to be back in Iruka's bed, and the fragile wall built between the two of them is yeeted all to hell by a night of passion. Will they manage to get their shit together long enough to realize that other people want what they could have if they'd put the past behind them? Or will they fall apart, in a revoltingly Romeo-and-Juliet fashion?***This is a story of forgiveness, reconciliation, and an ode to all the dirty things Kakashi and Iruka like to do. It is also a little bit interactive, since I have included tidbits of song lyrics that you guys can try to find like a scavenger hunt! At the end of every chapter, I will list the songs and the quotation from the text, just for funsies!(The title is a quote from Leo Tolstoy... I think?)





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here goes! The chapters will probably be broken up a tiny bit weird to accommodate the song lyric stuff, so bear with me!

Iruka was flabbergasted. Surely, this was some sort of joke. He knew that being promoted to Academy administration would be difficult, but he'd thought it would be for different reasons. Maybe they were stupid with exhaustion? Iruka was pretty tired himself from wrangling with pre-genin all day, but he still had full use of his brain. 

"Have you lost your  _ mind _ ?" he demanded as he scanned over the faces in the room. They were all highly intelligent, very important people in charge of the defense of the village… and yet common sense avoided them like the plague. "A fence would be pointless. A  _ civilian  _ can hop a fence. You know who  _ can't _ hop a fence? MY PRE-GENIN! What you would be doing by putting up a fence wouldn't be keeping intruders  _ out _ , it would be trapping the children  _ in _ ! There's nothing wrong with our current emergency evacuation plan, and honestly, if the enemy is close enough for a fence to matter, the damage is already done."

Iruka could have gone on—  _ would  _ have gone on— but circumstances didn't permit it. In fact, as soon as he'd finished his sentence, the window closest to him shattered, and Iruka found himself tackled to the floor with a hot, heavy body straddling him. Dazed, Iruka looked up at his assailant, only to find the hungry gaze of an ex-lover bearing down on him. And not just any ex-lover, oh no.  _ The  _ ex-lover, the one who haunted him in the night and avoided him in the day. 

Hatake Kakashi.

" _ Iruka. _ " 

Kakashi's voice was husky, and his tone was achingly familiar in the worst way. Iruka knew from experience that the way the copy-nin said his name was sinful in nature, and implied that there would be nothing that would stop him from taking exactly what he wanted from Iruka, right then and there. 

And what he wanted…

Well, with Kakashi's hard cock pressing against Iruka's thigh, it was hard not to know. 

"Iruka-sensei!" called Maito Gai, who had jumped through the window only a second after Kakashi. "Forgive him, sensei, he was captured by the enemy and hit with a jutsu—"

And that's where Iruka stopped listening because Kakashi was shoving his tongue down Iruka's throat. 

Iruka's mind was reeling. He couldn't deal with this, not here, not now— it had been years since he and Kakashi had been together, and yet it seemed that he still had every line of Iruka's anatomy memorized, and knew exactly what would drive the sensei wild. Iruka had to regain control of this situation, had to fix this somehow, but how was he supposed to think when Kakashi was touching his—

"Is it still me that makes you sweat?" Kakashi breathed against his ear, pulling at Iruka's pants even as Iruka fought to pull them back up. 

"Kakashi, what are you even saying, this is absurd—"

"Am I who you think about in bed? Is it still me?" Kakashi's tone was somewhere between bitter and pleading. "When you touch yourself, when you—  _ mph. _ "

Iruka reflexively smashed his hand against Kakashi's mouth, and in a brief moment of clarity, he struggled to break free, but Kakashi pinned him fast. The copy-nin lunged for Iruka's mouth once again, but as a last-ditch effort, Iruka threaded a hand through Kakashi's hair and yanked back—  _ hard _ — to keep that sinful mouth at a distance. 

Kakashi moaned, a low, grumbling sound, and Iruka remembered. 

Back then, years ago, when Kakashi was spiraling out of control, when Kakashi-the-ANBU and Kakashi-the-man got all mixed up and confused, with no clear line between them, Iruka had to take control, exert the dominance that Kakashi required to keep him in check. It hadn't happened often— Friend-Killer Hatake wasn't one to bow easily to submission— but sometimes, when things were too much, he relinquished control of himself and gave it to Iruka, who had to learn the hard way to take the reigns. All of it came back to Iruka in that single instant, and he knew what to do. 

"Kakashi," Iruka commanded, his voice battlefield-sharp as he held Kakashi roughly away from him. "Let me up."

Immediately, Kakashi moved, pupils blown wide with lust, and Iruka was able to stand and regain at least some of his dignity and pull Kakashi's mask up. He tried very hard not to think about the fact that he'd just been ravished in front of nearly every single person in Konoha that could fire him and turned to address Gai directly. 

"You were saying about some jutsu, Gai-san?" 

Gai blinked, then shook himself back to reality. "The jutsu was one meant to make the victim fall prey to youthful lust and passion so desperate that they would reveal anything to the enemy just for a single touch. However, the jutsu was a complex one, and relied upon the victim laying eyes on the caster immediately after being hit— failing that, the first person the victim saw would be the object of such passion. Kakashi, as hip and youthful as ever, used his Sharingan and—"

"He saw me," Iruka finished with a sigh, fingers beginning to numb from gripping Kakashi's hair so tightly. 

Gai nodded grimly. "Correct. We tried to stop him, but… "

"I was too fast," Kakashi interjected, indecently pleased with himself as he looked up from where knelt on the floor beside Iruka. "Iruka, please let me suck your—"

"Silent!" Iruka snapped with a jerk of silver hair, and Kakashi whined, but said no more. 

"What do we do now?" Iruka asked, wishing he could melt into a puddle.

"Well, you seem to have a pretty good handle on it," replied an out-of-breath Yamato, who had just managed to catch up to his teammates, or so Iruka assumed. "If you think you can handle it, it's probably a good idea if you just kept him from clawing his clothes off long enough for the jutsu to wear off."

"If it wears off," Gai added unhelpfully.

Iruka thought for a moment. Kakashi likely wasn't going to stay put for much longer, much less agree not to ravage Iruka the first chance he got… and if Iruka didn't agree to handle it, that almost certainly meant that more people would see Kakashi trying to rip his clothes off in the process of trying to contain the man. It was a lose-lose situation, but for the sake of both their dignities, Iruka made a decision. 

"I'll take care of him."

Kakashi let out a lewd moan and began to sneak a hand up Iruka's thigh. With no real strength behind it, Iruka kicked Kakashi in the side, less for actually discouraging him from acting inappropriately and more of a rough promise of reward for good behavior. A lie, naturally, but a necessary one. 

"Are you sure?" Yamato must have sensed Iruka's reluctance, because he was eyeing the two of them with concern. 

Iruka brushed it off. He was a shinobi too. "I've got it." Turning, he addressed his superiors and coworkers. "May I be excused from this meeting?"

"We will reconvene at a different time," replied the masked ANBU who was sitting in as an adviser for the defense meeting. "The Hokage will understand the, er,  _ special _ circumstances."

Special indeed. 

"Thank you, ANBU-san," Iruka said with a stuff bow. "Kakashi, stand up, please."

Obediently, Kakashi rose, standing just a little taller than Iruka, and Iruka let go of the hair he'd been gripping painfully tight. Without another word, Iruka led the way out of the Academy meeting room, through the hall, and out into the street. Iruka knew Kakashi was trembling with effort— as always when Iruka took charge, it was Kakashi's aim to please, but the jutsu was taking a hell of a toll. If he could just wait a little longer, they would be at Iruka's apartment and then—

Half a block away from Iruka's apartment, Kakashi tackled him to the ground, pulling at his clothes. 

"I'm sorry, 'Ruka, I tried not to," Kakashi murmured against Iruka's lips, thankfully having kept the mask  _ on  _ this time. "Need you so bad, I just want to  _ touch _ you, and you have the most  _ gorgeous  _ body, Iruka, please, I can't stand it."

"Kakashi, I will not touch you  _ ever again _ unless you get off of me  _ this instant _ and behave until we get to my apartment." Iruka's resolve sounded weak even to himself, but Kakashi flinched away at the threat, scrambling to his feet. "I know it's bad, but we'll be there soon, and then I'll give you what you want."

With renewed control, Kakashi made it dutifully to the apartment, and as soon as the door was locked, Iruka turned and kissed Kakashi like his life depended on it. He probably shouldn't have done so with Kakashi in such an altered state, but it was a reward for Kakashi's strength and sacrifice for Konoha, and, admittedly, a little indulgence on Iruka's part since he was going to behave (and force Kakashi to do so) for the duration of the jutsu's effect. 

"Fuck, Iruka, you always did give the best kisses," Kakashi groaned between wet smacks, brushing his thumb against Iruka's jaw. "I think about it all the time. Sometimes, during a fight, I'll think about your  _ fucking mouth  _ and your tongue down my throat. I want you everywhere, all the time, I just— Iruka,  _ please _ let me fuck you."

Iruka was losing control. He had to reign himself back in or else risk breaching what fragile trust was left between them, but hearing those words made it so, so hard to do what he needed to. 

"Kakashi, I need you to listen carefully."

"Anything, Iruka," he panted, Sharingan spinning eagerly. "Anything at all, I'll do it, just please let me inside you, I'll be so gentle,  _ please _ ."

Iruka held up a hand. "I will let you fuck me,"— another lie— "if and  _ only  _ if you stand  _ right here  _ and close your eyes. I'll need to get a couple things ready for you. Think of it as a surprise. It'll be so good for you, Kakashi, the best you've ever had, if only you can wait here. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes, 'Ruka." Kakashi was past trembling— he was shaking and looked close to tears. "Anything, anything, just please promise me—"

"I promise." Iruka kissed him gently, chastely, almost like a goodbye. "Now, close your eyes."

Unable to resist, Kakashi closed his eyes, and Iruka set up every single trapping barrier he could possibly think of in record time in the tiny hallway just outside his bedroom door. Not even Tsunade herself would be able to get out of this monstrosity of a barrier seal— or at least, so Iruka hoped, because Kakashi was pretty well on par with her. 

"Alright, Kakashi," Iruka called from the safety of his bedroom. "I'm ready. Come to me."

It was painful, the loud  _ smack  _ Kakashi's body made against the wall of the barrier. He'd run to Iruka at full speed— too fucking fast— and Iruka imagined the hit would have felt something like sprinting into a brick wall. 

"No, Iruka,  _ please _ , I was so good for you," Kakashi pleaded hoarsely, thumping a fist against the barrier as Iruka looked on from the bed. "I did exactly as you asked."

"Kakashi, you aren't in any condition to consent," Iruka choked out, wishing he could just drop dead. It would certainly be easier than telling a desperate Kakashi 'no'. "You'll thank me for this later, I promise."

"Never,"Kakashi argued, mismatched eyes sparking with a ferocity. "I would never thank you for keeping me from you— not when I hate myself every day, knowing I'm the reason we aren't together."

Iruka swallowed. He should have put a sound barrier up too. Of course, Kakashi was certainly lying out of desperation, telling Iruka what he wanted to hear. I would only make sense, given his condition… 

But that didn't make it hurt any less. 

"Do you think it was a coincidence that the Sharingan was showing me you when the jutsu hit?" Kakashi continued cruelly, jabbing at the barrier with a kunai. "I think about you  _ all the time _ , Iruka, think about kissing you, about tasting you, about letting you fuck my mouth— sometimes, on missions, I make clones that look like you and I let them do whatever I think you would want from me, but it's never enough because it isn't  _ you. _ You torture me, Iruka. Please, please let me out."

It was almost too much, but Iruka only walked over to the mini fridge Mizuki (lazy, beer-guzzling bastard) had convinced him to buy before The Incident and grabbed Kakashi a water bottle, which he would be able to hand through the barrier from the outside, and a pack of crackers. 

"You need to keep your strength up," he deflected lamely, tossing the food and drink through the barrier since he was afraid of getting too close. "And close that eye before you deplete all your chakra."

Defeatedly, Kakashi did as he was told and learned back against the wall of the barrier that was opposite Iruka without touching the food. It finally seemed as if Kakashi had given up, and Iruka flopped down on his bed to stare at the ceiling, wondering if he should close his door and give the other man some privacy. As it was, Iruka felt the need for some privacy himself. Jonin-wrangling at the missions desk was one thing, but wrangling a very horny jonin who just so happened to be his ex-lover was another thing entirely, and Iruka felt some awful mix of exhausted, irritated, longing, and sexually frustrated. It would be very nice to jerk off. Or cry. Or have a temper tantrum.

Before Iruka could make a decision about privacy, though, he heard muffled panting coming from across the room in Kakashi's direction. Given the sound of the panting, Iruka knew what would he would find when he sat up to see what was going on, but he did it anyways because he evidently enjoyed torturing himself. 

Kakashi was entirely nude and had his leaking cock in hand, stroking himself while watching Iruka. 

"Mmm, fuck, I love to see your face," he grinned, probably amused that Iruka was as transfixed by his body as ever. "Look me in the eyes, Iruka, I want to see you." 

Iruka wanted to, he really did, but he was too busy staring at other places. Kakashi only sighed, then made a hand sign that had Iruka turning red from his chest to his ears. 

"Perfect," Kakashi purred as a clone in the shape of Iruka appeared before him, also in the nude. Tenderly, Kakashi cupped the clone's cheek, and said, "The real Iruka won't have me, my sweet, but won't you help satisfy me?"

The clone smiled, and turned to Iruka. It was frightening how much like himself the clone looked— every last detail was perfect, and the clone chuckled, winking at Iruka like some cheeky teenager. 

"Maybe he'll watch," replied the clone, and kissed Kakashi like his mouth was the air itself. 

Watch? Hell, Iruka couldn't tear his eyes away. 

Kakashi was utterly sinful. He made the clone stand up, and he worshiped its cock— Iruka's cock— like he was born to it. Roughly, the clone took Kakashi by the head, hands fisted in silver hair, and fucked into his mouth over and over, until Kakashi gagged. It was beautiful and horrible at the same time; Iruka  _ never  _ wanted to be that rough with any of his lovers, but watching Kakashi like this was driving him wild.

"I want to fuck you," Kakashi said to the clone, but looked directly at the real Iruka as he pulled out the small bottle of lube he'd made a habit of keeping with him at all times, thanks their escapades in days gone by. The clone dropped to all fours, and as Kakashi stared steadily at the real Iruka, he began to prepare the clone with gentle fingers. 

"Tell me, Iruka," Kakashi glanced down at his handiwork, still pleading, but with a hint of dejection. "Do you not miss this at all? I miss it all the time. Won't you come here, my sweet? He never feels quite like you. I still remember. I remember  _ everything. _ " 

Iruka was frozen in place with a raging erection and very little brain function. If he'd been short-circuiting less and listening to his body more, he'd have been inside that barrier, but thankfully, he was incapacitated by his own reeling thoughts. 

_ That's me,  _ he thought numbly.  _ That's Kakashi's idea of me, and he has sex with that me, obviously on a regular basis. _

_ What the f u c k.  _

"Yes, that's it," Kakashi hissed as he entered the clone. "Fucking touch yourself, that's the way."

Iruka hadn't even realized that he'd pulled down his pants, but now that he was at it, he may as well finish what he started, right? 

_ I'm a horrible person _ , Iruka thought as he stroked himself mercilessly while watching Kakashi keep the same pace with the clone.  _ This is so nonconsensual it's insane. I'm going to lose my job.  _

No matter how much venom Iruka could think at himself, it didn't stop his impending orgasm in the least. About the same time Kakashi finished inside the clone, Iruka finished into his own hand, and it was done. The clone popped into a plume of smoke, and Kakashi collapsed in a breathless heap. 

"Come lie with me, Ruka-kun," Kakashi panted, patting the floor beside him. "I promise I won't try to lay you right now— if you won't let me fuck you, then at least let me hold you. Anything, Iruka, anything you'll give me, I'll take."

As Iruka cleaned himself, he considered it, but ultimately, it would do more harm than good— for both of them. 

"Try to sleep it off, Kakashi," Iruka sighed, walking over to close the door like he should have done to begin with. Guilt heavier than an anvil settled in Iruka's gut, and he returned to his bed, feeling more miserable than he'd felt in a long time. 

_ What have I done?  _ Iruka wondered as he flopped face-forward onto his bed.  _ And how on earth am I going to fix it?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this one was "Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" by Panic! At the Disco. The quotation begins where Kakashi says, "Is it still me that makes you sweat?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit of a throwback to Their Past in Kakashi's POV... more explanation on it to come later!

As he stared at the ceiling, blissed out from his orgasm, all Kakashi could think of was the first time he and Iruka went home together. 

They were young— almost too young— in a shinobi bar late at night. Kakashi was still in ANBU, and Iruka had just made chūnin. It wasn't a good night— Kakashi had been in ANBU for far too long by that time, and was struggling not to exude killing intent everywhere he went. In fact, he'd just come back from a particularly sour mission that night, and was still in ANBU gear as he imbibed alcohol at a truly alarming rate (even with his high tolerance). Iruka was sitting at the bar with two of his chūnin friends, looking like sex on legs. Kakashi remembered drinking in the sight of him hungrily, like a starving man at a buffet. 

_ Brown eyes, caramel thighs, long hair no wedding ring,  _ he'd observed through the porcelain of his mask. Iruka had kept looking at him across the way, obviously curious about why an ANBU was going out drinking in uniform. It didn't matter what he thought, really, at least not to Kakashi— Kakashi wanted to take that sexy chūnin and his beautiful smile and  _ destroy  _ him… so he would. 

(The truth of the matter was, Kakashi found out later, that Iruka had been staring at him because he was drenched in killing intent at the time without even realizing it.)

Once Kakashi had finished his own drink, he'd paid up, picking up the tab for sex-on-legs and his two friends. It wasn't unlike a well-laid trap, looking back on it— at least one of them (hopefully sex-on-legs) would undoubtedly walk over to thank him, and then he would make his move. Simple, effective. 

Or, it would have been, if Iruka was anything resembling normal. As Kakashi recalled with a small, tender smile, Iruka was anything  _ but _ normal, even back then. 

"Thank you," Iruka had told him with one of his precious smiles. "You're very sweet, to pay for all of us."

Kakashi had been anything but sweet, but Iruka didn't need to know that. 

"It's nothing. You all seemed to be having a good time anyways," Kakashi shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "What's your name?'

"I'm Iruka," sex-on-legs replied, still smiling. "That's Kotetsu closest to us, and his boyfriend Izumo on the other side of him."

"Pleased to make the acquaintance," Kakashi replied evenly. This was the hard part— if Kakashi messed up here, there was no way he was getting laid tonight. "Say, 'Ruka-kun, would you like to give them a little privacy and come back to my place?"

Adorably, Iruka blushed like a pre-genin and glanced back at his friends, obviously taken by surprise. "I-I mean, ANBU-san, I was here to celebrate with them for Kotetsu's birthday, and I would feel really bad if I just ditched them. Don't get— I mean, don't get me wrong I am  _ incredibly  _ flattered and all, but they're the closest thing to family I have and—"

Kakashi had held up a hand, stopping him there. The underlying message was clear— no. 

"That's alright," Kakashi told him, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. "Enjoy your celebration, 'Ruka-kun."

Kakashi nearly laughed out loud at the memory of Kotetsu making a mad dash to the exit to stop him before he left to tell him that Iruka was "a complete and utter idiot but damn good in bed" and that Kotetsu would "never speak to the fool again" if Iruka passed up the chance to get cozy with an ANBU. 

And so, that was how a red-faced Iruka ended up falling into bed with a very pleased, cat-that-caught-the-canary Kakashi. 

Oh, how wonderful that night had been— Iruka was as good in bed (and better) as Kotetsu had described. He liked it rough enough to be fun, but gentle enough that Kakashi felt strangely human, and the fact that Iruka wasn't allowed to see Kakashi's face at the time actually made it all the more erotic. Before Iruka, he had never been kissed so passionately, so  _ lovingly _ , and it wasn't all that hard to believe that Iruka could learn to love him. Kakashi had known how to fuck someone, but before Iruka, he hadn't known how to make love. 

Often, Kakashi looked back on that night fondly. For a while, it had all been perfect— Kakashi trusted Iruka enough to show him his face, Iruka kept his window open for Kakashi at night, even while he was away on mission— and even though both sets of neighbors complained about the noise, Kakashi told them quite smugly that his new kitty found the cream it was looking for, and if they treated  _ their  _ kitty any better, Kakashi and Iruka would be the ones complaining. They were happy—  _ truly  _ happy— for a time. Kakashi would even have said they were in love. But, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end.

As with all relationships, the new wore off after a time. Kakashi still drank to excess, and didn't come home until the wee hours of the morning even when he was off mission— Iruka would nag Kakashi about taking care of himself and actually coming home instead of leaving Iruka with an empty bed. And then, sometimes, Kakashi-the-ANBU would come home and take Iruka so roughly that there would be cuts, bruises, and an emotional chasm between them when Kakashi-the-man would return in the morning. Even through that, Iruka tried to find ways to make it work, dominating Kakashi fully and completely so that he could  _ feel _ something,  _ anything _ besides bloodlust— but even Iruka's patience had limits. 

_ "I'm finished,"  _ Iruka had told him that fateful night.  _ "You're never home, you don't even talk to me anymore! When you do talk to me, you're drunk and rambling or you're digging those stupid ANBU claws into my hips and telling me about all the people you killed! I love you, Kakashi, but I want out." _

Something inside Kakashi shattered that night, and he'd raged at Iruka, and nearly destroyed the house once Iruka had left. It was awful, miserable, agonizing, but Kakashi thought that Iruka would come back. Surely he would. He always came back. Except this time… 

This time, he didn't.

Miserably, Kakashi sat up from the floor, shaking himself from his musings. He was no longer Kakashi-the-ANBU, and Kakashi-the-man was older and wiser than ever before— but in any case, every version of Kakashi was still very much in love with the man who taught him  _ how  _ to love. Even though he'd undoubtedly made a fool of himself with this damnable jutsu (he was still hard, damn it), there was still a small whisper of hope for the future. Kakashi  _ was  _ going to get out of this barrier, he  _ was  _ going to convince Iruka to have sex with him (he really couldn't control that particular urge at the moment), and then maybe, just maybe, they would be able to talk things out and at least be friends.

And if nothing else, Kakashi's Sharingan would always have the image of Iruka jerking off while watching Kakashi fuck a clone of him, which was a damn fine thing to be sure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs are South of the Border by Ed Sheeran, (staring with "brown eyes, caramel thighs, etc.") and Push Da Button from "The Color Purple" (where Kakashi tells the neighbors that his kitty found the cream...) Kudos to any who found the Push Da Button one!


	3. Chapter 3

Iruka woke to sweet, gentle touches. At first, he thought he was dreaming, but the kisses he felt on his bare shoulders and back were persistent, as was the voice calling his name.

"Iruka," Kakashi murmured against his skin between kisses. "My 'Ruka. Wake up, my love."

It went on like that for a while, Iruka pretending he was asleep and Kakashi peppering him with kisses, but when Kakashi turned him onto his back and straddled him, Iruka couldn't fake sleeping any longer, and was faced with the fact that yes, Kakashi had somehow weaseled his way out of Iruka's trap, and no, the jutsu hadn't worn off. 

"You're awake," Kakashi smiled, his boyish features always a pleasant surprise to Iruka— by the Hokage's tits, the man didn't age at all— and he leaned in to kiss the sensei with heart-breaking tenderness. 

"You got out of my trap," Iruka sighed as Kakashi ground his erection down onto Iruka's thigh. 

"Yes I did," Kakashi replied, threading a hand through Iruka's hair. "They don't call me a genius for being average… but that's not the point."

Kakashi began to move, and before Iruka could figure out what he was going to do, Kakashi pulled down Iruka's boxers (the only thing he'd been wearing) and began to mouth at Iruka's balls. 

"Can I please fuck you?" Kakashi asked, ever-so-sweetly. "Please, 'Ruka-kun? I know you want it. Just look at you, so big and perfect… or maybe you'd like to fuck me? It's been such a long time, though, you'd have to be patient." 

Iruka could not  _ believe  _ this. The sexiest jonin in Konoha was between his legs, begging him to put out, and Iruka was about to say no. 

"Kakashi, I really don't think that's a good idea—  _ oh. _ "

Kakashi had chosen that moment to suck lightly on the head of Iruka's cock, making it very hard for the sensei to concentrate on anything but the sensation of Kakashi's mouth. 

"Please, Iruka," Kakashi breathed, rubbing his face obscenely against Iruka's manhood as though he couldn't get enough. The copy-nin pulled out a bottle of lube— from who knows where?— and slicked his fingers with it. "It'll be so good, I promise, I won't hurt you even a little."

Iruka's resolve cracked like a twig. 

"Fine," he gasped as Kakashi returned his attention to sucking Iruka's cock. "Fine, fine, you can fuck me, whatever you want, Kakashi, I don't care, just—  _ fuck _ ."

Kakashi pulled off of Iruka so quickly that his teeth scraped the head ever so slightly, and Iruka hissed. "You mean it, 'Ruka? I can?"

" _ Yes,  _ Kakashi," Iruka groaned, and with the widest, most predatory smile Iruka had ever seen, Kakashi eased a finger into him.

True to form, Kakashi cut no corners— by the time he'd deemed Iruka ready, the poor chūnin-sensei was shaking like a leaf. 

"See, isn't this the way it's supposed to be? It just feels right, when it's us," Kakashi said as he lubed himself up, preparing to enter his lover. "It's always been just you, Iruka. Nobody but you, nobody but me, nobody but us, bodies together. It's right."

And damn if Iruka wasn't ready to agree when Kakashi pushed in, gentle at first, and then fervent. Iruka's entire body was in aching wonder at the sensation of being so completely filled and fucked and  _ loved _ , and Kakashi's slick hand on his cock was divine. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Iruka chanted in time with Kakashi's merciless thrusts. The jonin didn't know his own strength, but in bedroom matters, that was almost always a good thing— at least for Iruka. The sheer force of his thrusts would have broken a wooden bed frame. Unfortunately, Iruka had learned that the hard way— Kakashi was the reason Iruka was now in possession of a fine cast iron bedframe, and Iruka thanked his own foresight in keeping the damn thing even after they split. 

"Iruka," Kakashi groaned as his thrusts became more and more erratic. His two-toned eyes bore into Iruka's plain brown ones, and not for the first time, Iruka felt like an ugly duckling beneath a graceful swan. 

"Stop that," Kakashi snapped, slowing his pace to commanding, sharp bucks of his hips. He was using what Iruka recognized as his "battlefield voice", and Iruka pulled himself upwards ever so slightly.

"Stop what, Kakashi?" he asked breathlessly, concerned and yet the tiniest bit agitated. 

"Whatever you just thought, stop thinking it."

Before Iruka could even form a reply, Kakashi was drilling him so hard that his eyes rolled back in his head, and all coherent thought— positive or negative— was erased from his mind. 

"Better," Kakashi grunted victoriously, flexing open his Sharingan to capture the moment. 

The feeling of being fucked coupled with the intensity of Kakashi's stare was otherworldly and overwhelming, and Iruka wondered if he would die like this, as Kakashi found his prostate with every snap of his hips. 

"I'm going to cum," Kakashi breathed with quivering certainty. 

"Then cum," Iruka replied, even as his own orgasm washed over him.

Just then, the air around them snapped and crackled, and Kakashi's eyes went wide as he spilled himself into Iruka. Iruka's heart sank to his stomach as he realized what was happening. 

The jutsu had dispelled. 

"Hello, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi told him with a tired, rueful smile. 

"Hey, Kakashi," Iruka cringed, wishing he could melt into a puddle and evaporate. 

"I should say words," the copy-nin slurred, swaying slightly. "But my chakra is gone and I'm going to pass out."

And he did just that, right on top of Iruka's cum-covered stomach. 

"Fucking hell," Iruka swore, pushing Kakashi off of him. "Heavy bastard, damn foolish, reckless jonin…" 

Sticky and disgusting, Iruka continued to grumble as he stumbled into the shower for a quick rinse, and he set the water to the hottest temperature he could stand as though he could boil away his mistakes and the sick feeling that had settled in his gut.

_ How could I have just let that happen?  _ Iruka scolded himself as he dried off and got a wet washcloth to clean Kakashi with.  _ I was in full control of my mental state and he wasn't, what I did could most certainly be considered rape!  _

Gently, Iruka cleaned off Kakashi as best he could while mentally berating himself, and eventually, he collapsed on the bed and wallowed in his misery until he fell into a fitful sleep, unable to justify what he'd done. How he would be able to face himself in the morning was beyond him, let alone Kakashi. Iruka would just have to face whatever consequences would come to him, and hope Kakashi didn't decide to chidori him before he'd had his coffee. It was about midnight the last time Iruka had glanced at the clock, and it would be a miserable enough morning without serious bodily harm, thank you very much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this one was PILLOWTALK by Zayn ("Nobody but you") :D


	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi was roused from sleep by the snout of Tsunade's damn little pig, who was carrying a handwritten note for Kakashi. Ordinarily, the Hokage would've just used his ANBU tattoo to summon him, but after several vague threats from him to the Hokage Monument, Tsunade agreed to summon Kakashi some other way. 

_ 'Meet me at sunrise in my office,'  _ the note read in scrawling, most likely drunken handwriting.  _ 'I need you for an important mission, and it can't wait until your 10:00, which happens to be noon.' _

Kakashi sighed, scratched out a quick response in the affirmative, and sent the messenger back, thinking nasty thoughts of frying bacon. It was a rare occurrence that Kakashi actually got to sleep, and since it was so difficult for him to fall asleep and stay that way, he was quite put out that he'd been disturbed. 

That is, until he was brave enough to hazard a glance at Iruka, who had somehow ended up in Kakashi's arms as they slept. 

Holy God above, the man was gorgeous. Bulging muscles and golden skin contrasted wonderfully with the soft lines of the sensei's face, and his dark hair was down, slightly damp, and quite frankly the most beautiful thing Kakashi had ever seen. It had been a while— much too long— since Kakashi had seen Iruka so at peace in his presence, and he wished he wasn't too chakra-depleted to capture it with the Sharingan. Of course, he had memories of the times before, but this was different. They'd still been kids then, barely old enough to legally drink— now Iruka was a grown man, with a grown man's mind and body, which made him even more attractive than he had ever been. 

There Kakashi was, staring at Iruka's perfection in his arms, so beautiful. Out the window, the sky was getting bright, the stars were burning out, and Kakashi wanted to beg someone, anyone to slow it down. This would likely be the last time he'd get to do this, to be so intimate with Iruka, and memory would be the only thing left of this moment come sunrise.

The thought of it made Kakashi sick, and he cursed the daylight with all of his strength. 

Knowing he would have to leave soon, Kakashi pulled Iruka closer to him, burying his face in the sensei's neck and breathing in the scent of his skin. Everyone had a particular smell, and since Kakashi had a strong nose, he was very sensitive to the fact that Iruka smelled like everything he'd ever wanted— in fact, it very much put Kakashi at ease. There was no better place in all the world than curled around Iruka on his soft, king-sized bed. 

"I love you, my 'Ruka-kun," Kakashi murmured into Iruka's skin, using the shortened version of Iruka's name that only he used. "I'll be back, I promise."

  
As Kakashi scrawled a quick, extremely apologetic note for Iruka, he wondered what the 'urgent mission' was, and why  _ he  _ had to do it. Apparently, no one had informed the Hokage of his previous incapacitation, but he was well now, so what could he do? Turn down orders because "I'm tired and accidentally fucked my ex that I still have feelings for"? Fat chance of that. No, he would go to Konoha's aid, as he always did— the leaf village was a cruel and demanding mistress (a bad bedmate and a worse lover), but she kept his most precious person in the palm of her hand, so Kakashi would defend her with everything he had, even exhausted and chakra depleted and emotionally elsewhere. He just hoped that it wasn't anything too annoying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features part of "Daylight" by Maroon 5 ("There Kakashi was, staring at Iruka's perfection in his arms"). It's such a fantastic song, and being with a military man myself, I know that it's so hard to let them go when the morning comes and its time for them to leave for months at a time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments!! I love you all!!!

_ It was a cold night— freezing, in fact— and Iruka was still waiting for Kakashi to come home. Around midnight, it started to get even colder, but Iruka didn't put on a blanket. Feeling the numbing cold was better than feeling the knots of worry that his stomach had tied itself into. Hours passed, but still no Kakashi, and Iruka tried very hard not to think about the bags he had packed that were sitting by the door. Just when he had decided to go to bed and deal with their problems in the morning, the tumblers in the lock clicked, and Kakashi let himself in. _

_ It would have been hard for anyone else to tell that Kakashi was drunk, but Iruka knew. His strides were much less graceful than usual, and the killing intent he emitted was at a low buzz instead of a bubbling fountain. It would have been fine, really, Kakashi coming home so late, if tonight hadn't been a repeat of every night for the past month that Kakashi was home from missions.  _

_ "It's three in the morning," Iruka sighed as Kakashi flopped into his recliner without a word.  _

_ "Yes, it is, Iruka. What of it?" Kakashi's voice was cold as ice, even through the slurring.  _

_ "You said you'd be home by eight." _

_ "I stopped by for some drinks," Kakashi replied, eyeing Iruka with one bloodshot eye. "I don't see what the problem is." _

_ Go figure. "Kakashi, is there someone else?"  _

_ That, at least, was of some concern to the ANBU. He sat up, studying Iruka intently. "Of course not, my 'Ruka. Why would you think that?" _

_ Iruka scoffed. "Why  _ wouldn't  _ I think that?" _

_ That irritated Kakashi. He stood from his chair a little too quickly, swaying as he went, and the look in his eyes was utter fury. "Because every moment of my life is spent thinking of you, touching you, catering to you when I'm not serving the village. What reason could you possibly have to accuse me of being unfaithful?" _

_ Iruka couldn't believe this. "Kakashi, we have had this same conversation every night for a month. You never come home when you should." _

_ "I came home on time last week!" Kakashi protested, incredulous. _

_ "No, you didn't. Hound came home on time," Iruka spat venomously. "He always does." _

_ "Hound and I are the same," Kakashi snapped, bitter and hurt. "I was Hound when I picked you up at that bar the night we met." _

_ "Oh, so  _ you _ left this on me the other night?" Iruka demanded, pointing to his badly bruised neck. "And these?" he continued, pulling down the waistband of his sweatpants to reveal deep puncture wounds from ANBU claws.  _

_ It was excruciating, the tortured look on Kakashi's face, but Iruka found that he couldn't look away. "Iruka, you know I would never mean you harm." _

_ "Then who would, Kakashi? If you and Hound are the same, then who?" _

_ Things were silent for a time, Kakashi and Iruka staring one another down. Kakashi broke first, looking away, and his eyes settled on Iruka's bags by the door.  _

_ "What is that all about?" he asked, nodding to the bags.  _

_ I'm finished," Iruka told him, even as it shattered Iruka's own heart.  _

_ "Wha— why?" The pain in Kakashi's eyes matched the agony in Iruka's chest, and it was painful to go on, but Iruka knew he had to. _

_ "You're never home, you don't even talk to me anymore! When you do talk to me, you're drunk and rambling or you're digging those stupid ANBU claws into my hips and telling me about all the people you killed! I love you, Kakashi, but I want out." _

_ Kakashi's hurt boiled into anger, killing intent flooded the air, and Iruka felt real fear. "How can you say that you love me and then decide to leave? What the fuck kind of sense is that supposed to make?" _

_ "Kakashi, don't you realize that you could come in from an ANBU mission one day, crazed and enraged, and kill me by complete accident?" Iruka asked him, trying to make the man see what was right in front of him. "ANBU is killing you, Kakashi, slowly but surely, but you're a grown man who can make choices for himself. I wasn't going to ask you to choose between me and ANBU, but I have to make the right decision for my own safety." _

_ Kakashi had seemed so frail, so shaken, that Iruka stood up and embraced him, not caring that Kakashi would feel the tears that dampened his face.  _

_ "I love you so much, Kakashi, and I want to be with you, but until you can control your bloodlust, I can't expose myself to that anymore. If you could just see what I saw, you would feel the same way." Every word that Iruka spoke was a dagger to his own gut, but he kept going. "I promise you that I will always love you. Please be more kind to your mind and body." _

_ Iruka stepped away and grabbed his bags, making to leave, and he heard the distinct chirping crackle of Kakashi's chidori. Calmly, without ever looking back, Iruka shut the door behind him, walking away from what would soon be the scene of some sort of jutsu-induced disaster…  _

** _Crash!_ **

Iruka was torn from his memory-dream by the sound of thunder rolling outside. It was 5:00 a.m. when Iruka glanced at the alarm clock on his nightstand, and he groaned, cursing the mission that had called Kakashi away. It had been three days since The Incident, and as Iruka had done every morning since the copy-nin left him to wake up alone, he re-read the letter that had been left by way of explanation for Kakashi's absence. 

_ 'Iruka,'  _ it read in Kakashi's actual handwriting, not the chicken scratch he submitted in his mission reports.  _ 'Thank you for taking care of me last night. You didn't have to. You deserve better than to have been saddled with me— God knows you've done enough taking care of me in your lifetime. I know there are some things we need to talk about, but I was summoned for a mission before you woke up. I promise I'll come by when I get back and we can talk through things. I'd like to apologize in person.  _

_ Yours, _

_ Hatake Kakashi' _

Iruka shook his head. How Kakashi could find something to  _ apologize for _ when he'd been the one taken advantage of was beyond Iruka. Everyone always thought Iruka was the pushover, but if they knew the real Kakashi, they would all think differently. The real Kakashi— Iruka's Kakashi— was so warm, so selfless, so giving, that it amazed Iruka every time. In his work, in his personal time, in his love, Kakashi gave and gave and gave, expecting nothing in return. In fact, that's what made him the best lover Iruka had ever had.

Oh yes, that's right— Iruka wasn't even trying to deny that fact anymore. He had almost forgotten how it felt to be truly made love to, to be cared for, to be made whole by another person, especially after the pathetic lover that Mizuki turned out to be. Having even the smallest taste of Kakashi once more spoiled having sex with anyone else— he was simply unmatched by anyone Iruka had ever met. It was just the way things were, and Iruka was unsure how he was supposed to function in life knowing that the itch for incredible, blow-your-mind sex was only scratchable by the one person that he couldn't have. 

Such were Iruka's musings for most of the day— while he lectured his pre-genin about the proper use of traps and barriers, he was thinking about the times Kakashi had playfully threatened to set seals around their bed to keep Iruka with him all day long. 

_ "Love of my life,"  _ Kakashi would purr, sultry and sweet.  _ "Don't leave me. You've stolen my love, you now desert me." _

_ "I've stolen nothing,"  _ Iruka would laugh, stealing a kiss for irony's sake.  _ "You're the scoundrel between the two of us. Besides, I'm not 'deserting' you by going to grade papers." _

How Iruka missed those times. They consumed his thoughts more than they ever had before, and the day passed by with agonizing slowness. Every moment held another memory, and every memory a new sort of longing— longing for what, Iruka wasn't sure. Perhaps longing for closure, or longing for Kakashi to return and get their apologies over with. Maybe it was longing for what he had once had, or, dare he even consider it, longing for starting anew with Kakashi. 

Whatever the case, Iruka's day was as dreary as the weather, and after he stayed late to grade papers and tutor a few students, he walked home alone and lonely. 

  
  


***

  
  


Kakashi came home from his mission filthy and exhausted, but he rummaged through the stands at the market for the best food he could find while still in tattered, blood-stained clothes. With ANBU-level efficiency, he made his way home with an armful of groceries, made a rather fantastic meal, and showered and dressed in enough time to beat Iruka home for supper. 

He figured that if they were going to talk about the last time they'd seen each other, then they may as well have something to eat, because they would be hashing it out for quite a while. 

By the time Kakashi got to the door of Iruka's apartment, it was only 5:20, and he knew from experience (totally, definitely not from stalking) that Iruka would still take ten more minutes to get there, so he pulled out Icha Icha and began to read. For all he was concentrating, though, every page could have read WORRIED or NERVOUS or SOMEONE KILL ME— dealing with matters of the heart was difficult for all shinobi, but Kakashi was the worst of them all. It always made him feel all topsy-turvy, and Iruka had always been able to wrong-foot him within the first five minutes of them actually having a serious conversation about feelings. 

_ Damn, that's right _ , Kakashi mused as he felt Iruka's chakra signature nearing.  _ Iruka is fucking great at feelings, and I have the emotional range of an eggplant.  _

Well, it wouldn't do to get cold feet now, Kakashi supposed, and it wasn't long before Iruka was standing in front of him with those doe eyes that were always searching his soul and making it impossible for him to think like a rational human.

"Welcome home from your mission, Kakashi-san," Iruka greeted him, clearly as nervous as Kakashi was. This would not do at all. 

"Since when have I ever been  _ Kakashi-san  _ to you, Iruka?" he asked with a strained eye smile, hoping to lighten the mood. "I seem to recall us skipping right over any such formalities from the very beginning. Besides, I've made you some dinner, and eating isn't nearly as fun with stiff company as it is with easy companionship."

Iruka smiled, but there was an aching sadness to it that Kakashi wanted to wipe away forever. "You didn't have to do that, Kakashi. You probably still need to rest from your mission, even though you  _ never  _ do."

"Old habits die hard," Kakashi chuckled, feeling the tips of his ears burn as he stretched his head. 

"You're right about that," Iruka snorted, unlocking the door and holding it open for Kakashi. "Sorry about the mess."

Kakashi wasn't sure which mess Iruka was talking about, the clutter or the torn floor from where Kakashi used an earth jutsu to escape Iruka's barrier seals, but he assured the sensei that it was fine. Guiltily, he eyed the hole in the floor and added, "I'll pay for that to be fixed."

"No, that's not necessary," Iruka insisted with the smallest of grins as Kakashi set the food down on the table. "In fact, I think it's an improvement."

Kakashi chuckled.  _ Cheeky brat, _ he thought, and he had the urge to kiss the sensei silly. Instead, he replied, "Still, I'll take care of it. I owe you at least that much."

"You don't owe me anything, not if this food tastes as good as it smells."

Kakashi smiled at that. He had taken cooking classes after The Incident to keep his mind off of things, and the whole time he was learning, all he'd been able to think about was this moment, or rather, the possibility of it— Iruka eating dinner with him, complimenting his culinary prowess. He couldn't help but preen at the praise. 

"Let's dig in and find out, shall we?"

He helped Iruka set the table, not knowing whether or not to be pleased that nothing had changed since The Incident. The cups were still in the top right hand cabinet, the plates were still on the left. It was all exactly as it had been before, and a strong sense of nostalgia washed over him as they sat down to eat.

"This really is amazing, Kakashi," Iruka told him after a few moments of silence. "I didn't know you could cook like this."

Kakashi shrugged, feigning nonchalance… but if he had a tail, it would be wagging. "Old dogs can learn new tricks every now and then."

Kakashi was rewarded with the smallest, sweetest of smiles as Iruka replied, "Well, you didn't have to go above and beyond, especially since I should be apologizing to you. I don't deserve your kindness in the least."

Now, wasn't that a puzzle? Kakashi couldn't think of a single thing Iruka had done that would warrant any sort of apology, unless being incredibly fucking hot was a grievous offense— in which case he should be apologizing profusely. 

"I don't think I'm following you, sensei," Kakashi said, letting his befuddlement show in his tone of voice. _ "You deserve everything,"  _ he wanted to say, but decided to let Iruka explain before he said anything further. 

"Kakashi, I took advantage of you the other night!" Iruka spluttered, his expression a mix of disbelief and self-loathing as he sat down his chopsticks. "You weren't in your right mind, and I let you do things you would never do if you weren't under the effects of that jutsu and— what, don't look at me like that! I'm serious, Kakashi, it was wrong of me." 

Kakashi, honest to Ichiraku's, hadn't meant to gawk, but what Iruka was saying was almost ridiculous enough to make him laugh. 

"Iruka, stop and think about this for a minute. I was hit by an enemy jutsu, reflexively used you as a way to get around it, even though I knew that I was the  _ last  _ person you wanted to be stuck with for God knows how long, but you actually  _ agreed  _ to make sure I was okay for the night and didn't do anything too terribly foolish." Without thinking, Kakashi put a hand over Iruka's, trying to convey the depths of his emotions. "Then I proceeded to be the worst house guest in the  _ history  _ of house guests by being totally lewd and inappropriate and ripping up your flooring. You say you took advantage of me, Iruka, but if I had been any less in control of myself, I could have taken what I wanted and… and you couldn't have stopped me any more now than you could back then."

The words were bitter in Kakashi's mouth, and he pulled his hand away from Iruka in disgust of himself. To his surprise, Iruka reclaimed his hand, and Kakashi looked up to meet his eyes, quizzical. 

"This was nothing like that," Iruka firmly insisted, pinning Kakashi in place with those warm brown eyes that he loved so very much. "Back then, when you were Hound… you were a stranger in my bed. I didn't know if you loved me or if you wanted me dead. Back then you turned into somebody I didn't know, pushing me away and then begging me to stay. This time, you were you through it all, not some monster, and you asked me for permission every step of the way. I truly believe that if I would have told you to get out, you would have. Please believe that." 

"If that's how you see it," Kakashi replied, still not entirely convinced. 

"It is how I see it, because that's how it was." 

Iruka withdrew his hand, and they returned to eating in silence, giving them both time to contemplate what they'd just unloaded. Somehow, this was not how Kakashi had envisioned this playing out— in his head, there would be more screaming on Iruka's part, more passion, more something— but instead, there was this heavy sadness, guilt, and exhaustion between them that Kakashi didn't really understand. 

"If it makes you feel better," Iruka interrupted his thoughts, blushing a pleasant pink. "I wanted it just as badly as if  _ I  _ were the one under a jutsu."

Kakashi had figured as much, but hearing Iruka voice it was a pleasure all the same. He cracked a wicked grin, and couldn't resist a joke. "Do you find me that irresistible, sensei?"

"Yes."

Oh. Wow. Kakashi hadn't been expecting such a straightforward answer, and he felt a little bad for having teased poor Iruka, who was squirming under Kakashi's gaze. In return, he decided to put one of his own truths out there— it was only fair, after all. 

"I meant everything I said that night, you know. I do miss you."

If it was possible, Iruka turned even more red. "Y-yeah. It can be like that sometimes."

_ Oh _ . _ I see.  _

Iruka didn't miss him like he missed Iruka. That was fine— any normal person would have moved on. In fact, Iruka had been with that Mizuki asshole for a while, hadn't he? Yeah, it was totally normal for Iruka not to wake up every morning without reaching over for Kakashi, not to ache so badly for just one kiss that he could cry. 

Too bad Kakashi couldn't say the same. 

Well, then, since there really was nothing to lose, Kakashi made a decision. He wasn't sure that it could be worse than it already was, but the least he could do was be honest. Iruka deserved at least that much, and Kakashi owed it to himself to give it half a chance. 

"I never stopped loving you, Iruka, never even once," he said, swirling his drink around in its cup. "I quit drinking when you left. I left ANBU. I tried to make myself a better man. Just wanted you to know, and I hope I haven't disappointed."

"Kakashi—" Iruka began, but Kakashi held up a hand to stop him. 

"I wasn't finished. I'm not expecting anything from you— not after all I put you through. But I do want to tell you that you were it for me, and that I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed."

Iruka, beautiful in the incandescent glow of the kitchen lights, looked at him with an unreadable emotion. It seemed an eternity before the sensei spoke, but Kakashi was content to wait, watching the emotions flicker one by one across Iruka's face. 

Then, the impossible happened. Iruka looked at him and said, "I still love you, too, Kakashi. I thought I could get rid of that feeling with Mizuki, but you saw how well that went."

Yes, Kakashi had seen. He'd wanted to kill the bastard so bad for what he did— the only thing that stopped him was Gai's damn near invincible headlock and a strong talk about "youth" and "justice" and other corny shit. 

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you, but I'm afraid," Iruka continued, obviously not wanting to further the Mizuki topic. "I want to try again, Kakashi, but I'm just not sure if I can trust myself."

_ "Or trust me,"  _ Kakashi almost added, but he let that sleeping dog lie. "I get that. I mean, we could try to be friends, see how that goes."

"I don't think we can be friends," Iruka frowned, and Kakashi's heart sank to his stomach until the sensei saw it fit to add, "At least, not if I can't kiss you. I'm a little too deeply involved to try to slap a 'friends' label on it and pretend that what I feel for you can be repressed."

Kakashi smiled that that. "We'll, at least we can agree on that much."

"It sounds silly, but it we need like a trial relationship," Iruka mused, chewing on his bottom lip. "Like a pretend one where nothing counts."

Just then, three sharp knocks on Iruka's door interrupted their conversation, and Kakashi answered the door to find two ANBU outside. 

"Uhm, hi," Kakashi greeted them warily. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Hatake-san, the Hokage requests the presence of Umino-San and yourself in her office immediately," the ANBU commanded, and Kakashi looked back at Iruka, who looked just as confused as Kakashi did. 

"Alright then, lead the way," Kakashi replied, and Iruka joined him in walking a few strides behind the ANBU.

"Do you know what this is about?" he asked Iruka as they walked, but Iruka shrugged.

"I was hoping you would know."

"Well, I have a feeling we're about to find out," Kakashi sighed, praying to whoever was listening that Tsunade hadn't caught wind of the other night. How awkward would that be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs are "Love of My Life" by Queen (where Iruka remembers Kakashi calling him the love of his life) and Teeth by 5SOS ("I dont know if you love me or you want me dead")


	6. Chapter 6

"An undercover assignment?"

Iruka couldn't believe his ears. He was a chūnin Academy teacher that hadn't left the village in ages. How could the  _ Hokage herself _ want him for an undercover assignment?

"Yes," Tsunade replied, handing the file to Kakashi. "It'll only be for three days, but we desperately need two people who looked enough like the other ninja we had to make it work. That would be you and the Hatake brat."

As always, Kakashi remained unperturbed by even the most bizarre of circumstances. "So why us?"

Tsunade smirked. "Shiku, the name of the agent you'll be replacing, wears an eyepatch and has silver hair— it was a lot longer than yours, though, so we'll have to come up with a reason why you had to cut it. It should work pretty well, considering that the couple you'll be meeting with haven't seen Shiku in quite a while. Remarkably, however, Iruka sensei is the closest match to Maro I believe I've ever seen. Even the scar is the same." 

Kakashi opened the file on Maro out of curiosity, and Iruka peeked into it to see a carbon copy of himself, only with greasier hair and an ever-so-slightly thinner nose and lips. The resemblance was uncanny. 

"What happened to these two?" Kakashi asked, glancing over at Iruka, then back to Tsunade. 

"Shiku was injured in an ambush with someone who had discovered their identities," she replied, lacing her fingers together as she set her elbows on her desk. "The team managed to eliminate the threat to their undercover identities, but it's unlikely that Shiku will ever be able to go under again with his injuries. Too add to all the misery, they were a real couple, so Maro refused to go under with anyone else. They got involved with each other in their real life outside of undercover work while on the job, and going under with anyone else is something that they agreed they wouldn't do."

"Huh,"Kakashi mused, and Iruka could tell he was hiding a mischievous smile under that mask. "Almost like they had a trial run on the relationship."

Iruka beamed. "Doesn't sound too bad. What would we have to do?"

"You'll be meeting with two arms dealers from the Village of Artisans who are illegally selling weapons to civilians and mercenaries, under the guise of arranging a shipment of raw materials that were supposedly smuggled in by your 'contacts'," Tsunade explained, leaning back in her chair. "All you have to do is show up at the beach resort in the Land of Waves, act like a couple, spout bullshit (Hatake will elaborate more on that once he's read the file) and then organize the sting and go home."

In theory, it all sounded simple, but the look in Kakashi's eye said it would be more difficult than Tsunade was letting on. No matter— Iruka was a shinobi equipped with a brain for strategy and a deep understanding of people, which was an extremely rare combination. He was perfect for undercover work, though he'd never been on such an adventure before. 

_ There's a first time for everything, _ Iruka thought, then turned to address Kakashi and said, "I'm in if you are."

Even with the mask, Kakashi looked taken aback, but in the end, he just shrugged. "Let's do it."

It took a while to get all the paperwork settled, but soon Iruka and Kakashi were on their way back to Iruka's apartment, walking side by side in pensive silence. Iruka wasn't sure what Kakashi was thinking— maybe he was wondering if Iruka was competent enough to take on such a mission with no experience in that field. There was no doubt in Iruka's mind that he could do the job and do it well, but it would be perfectly reasonable for Kakashi to be skeptical. After all, the man was an ANBU-level (perhaps even kage-level!) genius who had been going on missions since he was six— it would almost be strange if he  _ didn't  _ question Iruka's competency. 

"Iruka," Kakashi said, interrupting the sensei's thoughts with his rumbling tenor. 

"Yes, Kakashi?" Iruka replied, bracing himself for Kakashi's criticism. 

"Did you take the mission because you actually wanted it or because of what it would mean for us?" Kakashi asked, looking at the dirt as they walked on. "I don't want you to feel pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with just to give us a chance to feel things out." Then, as if realizing something he hadn't previously, Kakashi turned to look at Iruka, almost in a panicked, backpedaling fashion. "I mean, I am absolutely thrilled to be on a mission with you, Ruka-kun, you have no idea how ecstatic I am, but I know you love your class, and I wouldn't want anything to cause you grief."

_ Oh.  _ How sweet. How thoughtful, how  _ kind…  _ Iruka felt ashamed for thinking that Kakashi would be critical of his abilities. With a blush that burned like fire, Iruka replied, "I want to go on the mission, Kakashi, but not just for us. I love protecting Konoha just as much as the next shinobi."

Kakashi stopped walking, and Iruka halted too, wondering what the deal was. Kakashi was staring at him with a funny look— somewhere between agony, passion, and pure, unadulterated joy— and before Iruka could say anything, Kakashi pulled him into a painfully tight embrace. 

"You are so incredible," he murmured into Iruka's hair. 

"What did I do?" Iruka chuckled, pulling away as Kakashi playfully peppered kisses on Iruka's neck through the fabric of his mask. 

"Exist." Kakashi's tone was joking, but Iruka had a sneaking suspicion that he was sincere. "I can't wait to get you all to myself on a beach resort."

"We'll go out to sea, and we'll perfect our chemistry," Iruka laughed, pulling Kakashi along. 

"And by and by we'll defy a little gravity." Kakashi eye-smiled, all mischief. "Is this where I get to make a joke about your name?"

"Absolutely not."

"Fine, fine," Kakashi laughed, releasing Iruka in favor of capturing his hand. "Let's return to our dinner, shall we?"

Iruka nodded, and they walked hand-in-hand the rest of the way. As they passed the market and entered the housing district, Iruka knew people were watching them, which was a new experience for him— before, they'd kept everything hush-hush because, well, Kakashi would have caught hell from The Third for revealing his ANBU identity to anyone, even a lover. Now, they were out in the open, holding hands like a normal couple, and Iruka wasn't sure how he felt about it. Everyone would know.  _ Everyone _ . In a ninja village full of the most horrific gossips Iruka had ever met, the news of Iruka and Kakashi in public together— being  _ affectionate _ , no less—would set the town ablaze by nightfall. 

Deep down, Iruka knew it should bother him more, but with Kakashi's contented smile and Iruka's own inability to feel even an inkling of regret, there wasn't a thing in the world that could bother him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song was Kokomo by the Beach Boys!! And if you didn't catch it, then you didn't know the song, and if you don't know the song....
> 
> Go RIGHT NOW and listen to it!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I had SO MUCH fun with this chapter!!!!

Gai was a gushing fountain of manly tears, and Kakashi could hardly get a word in edgewise as the man waxed poetic about 'youth', 'love', and 'hip passion'. 

"IT'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL," Gai sobbed, clinging to Kakashi's vest. "IT IS A QUEST NOT ONLY FOR THE GOOD OF BELOVED KONOHA, BUT ALSO FOR YOUTHFUL LOVE, PASSION, AND RECONCILIATION! I WOULD EXPECT NOTHING LESS OF MY ESTEEMED RIVAL!"

Yamato— damn him— was laughing so hard that he no longer had the ability to control his respiratory system. Just when he'd turn nearly purple, he'd draw in a breath that sounded not unlike an injured seal, and then he'd wheeze in laughter once more. The longer Gai went on, the louder the green beast was, and the louder Gai got, the more Yamato laughed. It was a vicious cycle that Kakashi wanted very badly to break, even if it meant bodily harm. 

(To his friends or to himself— he wasn't picky.)

Just when he thought it was over and they could finally just get through their mandatory on-call duty without further injuring Kakashi's pride (or accidentally killing Yamato with laughter), Genma strolled in, chewing on his senbon thoughtfully. With a raised eyebrow, the newest addition to the shift noted Yamato wiping at his teary eyes and Gai's thousand-watt smile, and his interest was piqued. Unfortunately for Kakashi, Genma was the nosiest shinobi to ever be born in the Leaf, and before Kakashi could stop him, he asked the million dollar question of the afternoon. 

"Alright, come on, what the hell is so funny?"

Yamato turned to look at Genma, blinked once, and  _ howled  _ with laughter.

"Nothing is funny!" Gai insisted, slapping Kakashi on the back so hard that the copy-nin began to worry about bruised ribs and spinal damage. "Kakashi is in most Youthful and Passionate love, and it is Finally Requited! Genma-san, it is the most Beautiful Thing in All the World!"

Genma cracked a grin. "I'd ask who the unlucky bastard is, but I think I have a pretty good idea if the gossip around town is any indication. Tell me, did you boink Iruka-sensei the other night under the jutsu?"

" _ Boink, _ " Yamato wheezed, doubled over in his chair. 

_ Deflect, deflect, deflect,  _ Kakashi thought, speaking a little too quickly. "That's really inappropriate to talk about in a work setting—"

"And you're dodging my question."

"No, it's just that— "

"See, you're still doing it." Genma's smirk was pure evil. "I bet you did boink him. Tell me, did he act out a page of Icha Icha for you?"

Yamato wasn't even wheezing anymore, he was gasping desperately for air, making a  _ har-har-har  _ sound common among the aquatic mammal community as he fought for oxygen. 

"I was under a  _ jutsu,  _ I couldn't even think about Icha Icha at the time—"

"At the time of the boinking?"

Gai, whom Kakashi had told only the bare minimum to save himself some embarrassment, picked up on that rather quickly. "Kakashi, you didn't tell me that you made Passionate Love! Oh, how JOYOUS! I'M GOING TO CRY AGAIN! A FLAME REKINDLED AFTER SO MANY YEARS!"

Kakashi sighed as Yamato turned the color of an eggplant. A few people had known about Kakashi's past involvement with Iruka, but Genma (thankfully) hadn't been one of those people. Well, he hadn't until now.

"Wait, you and Iruka-sensei have history and I didn't know about it?" Genma huffed, folding his arms. "No one tells me any damn thing. Have you boinked him before?"

Kakashi groaned, eyeing the window to see how badly it would hurt if he jumped out of it. "Genma, can you use literally  _ any  _ other term for sex? Literally any."

Oh boy. The senbon came out to reveal a Cheshire-cat grin, and Kakashi knew he'd said the wrong thing. "Oh, I can definitely do that. Did you give him the ol' razzle dazzle? Did you jam the ham, cook the beef, butter his biscuit?"

" _ Biscuit, _ " Yamato mouthed, now unable to form words.

"Good grief, I'm so glad we leave tomorrow," Kakashi grumbled under his breath as Genma quirked a brow, waiting for Kakashi's response. 

"Well? Did you?"

"Fine, whatever, yes I did," Kakashi sighed, and Genma chuckled. 

"See, was that so hard?"

"Yes."

"As hard as you were for sweet Iruka-sensei?"

As he let out a pained groan, Kakashi prayed that Iruka was faring better than he was. The chūnin-sensei was supposed to be having brunch with his own friends, who had inevitably heard through the grapevine about the goings-on between the two of them. Maybe Iruka's friends weren't as awful and obnoxious, and perhaps not as oxygen-deprived. 

  
  


***

  
  


Iruka was not, in fact, faring any better than Kakashi. 

"You are  _ shitting me _ , I thought Anko was just bullshitting!"

Kotetsu threw a casual arm over his boyfriend, who was looking decidedly distraught. "How much are we betting that Hatake is the mysterious ANBU our 'Ru used to rave about?"

Izumo paled, as if just realizing that as a possibility. "Oh God! That's horrible! Iruka, did you one-night stand  _ the  _ Hatake Kakashi?"

"In a sense," came Iruka's tentative reply, red all the way from his chest to his ears. 

Kotetsu raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, uhm, we had a one-night stand every night for a little over a year," Iruka admitted, cringing in anticipation. 

" _ WHAT? _ " 

This time, it was both of Iruka's friends who were caught off guard. Sheepishly, Iruka scratched the back of his neck and nodded. Izumo looked like he was going to pass out, and Kotetsu wasn't moving a muscle. 

"Surprise?" Iruka tried desperately to cute his way out of it, but Kotetsu and Izumo were having none of that. 

"Oh no, absolutely not, you don't get to weasel out of this," Izumo crossed his arms, looking like a petulant child. 

"Everything makes so much sense!" Kotetsu exclaimed, coming back to life after a few moments of intense thought. "I knew there was a pattern somewhere, and now I've found it!"

"Pattern?" Iruka was completely lost there.

"Yeah," Kotetsu continued, grinning wider than ever. "You're not a hard partier, Iruka, but whenever Kakashi would walk into a bar where you were, you'd start shooting doubles."

Izumo nodded, catching on to his boyfriend's logic. "And whenever he'd see you with That Bastard, he'd go crazy and start oozing killing intent."

"Well then," Iruka managed, face cherry-red from blushing. "I guess that makes you guys good ninjas."

"Hell yeah, we are, and that's why you're buying us drinks!"

Iruka groaned. Maybe Kakashi was having a better time. 

***

After dinner and a lengthy discussion of the day's events, Kakashi and Iruka came to an important conclusion. 

"Our friends are  _ never  _ allowed to hang out together," Kakashi said as he washed the dishes. 

Iruka, who was rinsing and drying, couldn't help but agree. "The only time they should all be in one place is for a wedding or a funeral."

"Mmm, wedding, sensei?" Kakashi drawled, raising a brow suggestively. 

Iruka rolled his eyes, hip checking his lover playfully. "Don't get any ideas. We have to survive this undercover mission before we think about anything else."

"So you're saying if there isn't a funeral by the end of the mission, we get married?" Kakashi teased, wondering if he should flick some soapy bubbles in Iruka's direction. He was in a playful mood after this particularly stressful day, and if he was going to get teased for boinking Iruka, then by God he should actually get to do some boinking. 

Iruka's blush and spluttered response only exacerbated the situation. "I mean, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea, but— "

"Ruka-kun, I'm teasing," Kakashi laughed, planting a kiss on his sensei's forehead. "Although, I could think of some spectacular ways to spend our wedding night… "

Iruka smacked him, but Kakashi only laughed as Iruka muttered, "Crazy jonin."

"Well, I'm  _ your  _ crazy jonin."

"Naturally," Iruka smiled, practically purring. 

It went on like that, teasing and flirting as they cleaned up the kitchen, then they flopped down on Iruka's couch, tired from the day. Iruka's head rested comfortably on Kakashi's shoulder, and Kakashi decided then and there that there was no place he'd rather be. Nowhere else in all the earth was there a wonder greater than the man that was nestled so sweetly into his side, and Kakashi wondered for the millionth time that day whether or not he was dreaming. 

"You wanna stay the night?" Iruka suggested, burrowing farther into Kakashi's side. 

"So generous, sensei, but don't we leave on mission tomorrow?" 

"We can get your bags in the morning. Plus, wouldn't it be good to make sure we're well-rested?"

The sensei made a damn good argument. "Well, if you insist," Kakashi smirked, shifting so that he could plant a kiss right by Iruka's ear. 

"I do insist." Iruka stood up and then, facing Kakashi, planted a knee on either side of Kakashi's hips, straddling him. "Kiss me."

Kakashi didn't need to be told twice. For quite a long time, they stayed like that, kissing as Iruka rolled his hips into Kakashi— it was heaven on earth. Kakashi had no inclination to change anything, not even to move further. It was so perfect that had he passed from the world right then and there, he would have died a happy man.

"I want to suck you off," Iruka murmured against Kakashi's lips, and it was a wonder that Kakashi didn't pass out then and there.

"Well, who am I to deny you anything, my 'Ruka-kun?"

With a smirk, Iruka repositioned himself so that he was on his knees in front of the couch, with his head between Kakashi's legs. Kakashi swallowed hard as Iruka pulled off his pants, then his underwear, to reveal his erection, and with a sexy little smirk, he licked a broad stripe up the underside of Kakashi's dick and  _ sucked  _ in the head of it like it was his favorite flavor of lollipop. Slowly, Iruka began to bob his head, taking in more and more of Kakashi with every motion until his nose was brushing against clipped silver pubic hair. He swallowed around Kakashi, then pulled off with a pop before he set to vigorously pleasuring Kakashi with his sinful, sinful tongue. In turns, he was teasing and heated, then fast and unbridled— Kakashi thought he was going to die just when Iruka saw it fit to change things up a bit. 

"Stand," he ordered, and Kakashi was powerless to resist. "You know what I want."

Oh, Kakashi knew. He remembered times like this from before, and the actions he took came as naturally as if they'd never been separate. Iruka let out a low groan when Kakashi pulled the sensei's head back by his hair and thrust his cock down Iruka's throat as roughly as he knew the man could handle. Iruka's mouth was hot and wet and wonderful, and even as the sensei's eyes watered and he gagged with the abuse of his throat, Kakashi knew he was stroking himself furiously in time with Kakashi's thrusts. It was fucking incredible, and before he had even realized it, Kakashi came down Iruka's throat.

"I believe I've made a bit of a mess," Iruka chuckled through bruised lips and achy throat. 

"You don't say?" Kakashi mused as he stumbled back to the couch. "Give me your hand."

Iruka offered his cum-covered hand, and Kakashi licked and sucked it clean, never breaking eye contact. 

"Fuck, I forgot how filthy you can be," Iruka breathed as Kakashi finished, pulling Iruka up from the floor and into his lap. 

"Well, if it helps, I'm only filthy for you." 

It was true, and a source of pride for Kakashi. Iruka seemed to like that too, because he kissed Kakashi gently and cuddled into his chest. 

"I do have one question though," Kakashi said, knowing Iruka would be too blissed out and sleepy to cause him  _ too  _ much bodily harm. 

"What's that, hun?"

"Will you act out a page of Icha Icha for me?"

"If you ask me that again, I will not hesitate to smother you in your sleep with this pillow." The threat would've been more intimidating if Iruka hadn't been quite so giggly, or kissing Kakashi's chest lazily. 

"Fine, fine, I won't ask again."

"Good. Tell Genma he can't suggest it again either."

"How did you know Genma suggested it?"

"Because I know Genma."

Kakashi chuckled. Damn, he was in love with this man. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song was All My Friends by Luke Bryan. It was a little harder to find since it wasn't quoted directly, but it was during the Kotetsu and Izumo scene when they were talking about a pattern emerging (and Iruka doing doubles....)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end!!

"You two aren't Shiku and Maro! Imposters!"

Kakashi couldn't believe this shit.

The trip to the resort was a hot, muggy, terrible journey— he and Iruka had barely even touched the entire time because they were drenched in sweat and covered in mosquito bites. Not that it hindered their flirtation and Serious Bedtime Conversations, but it was still pretty miserable. Now that they were FINALLY at the resort, their cover was blown in the first five minutes of being in the classy restaurant where they were supposed to meet. How the hell could things have possibly gone so wrong? Even Kakashi's luck wasn't usually that bad.

Thankfully, the ensuing fight didn't last long— between Iruka's barriers and Kakashi's genjutsu, the enemy was subdued rather swiftly. However, with the end of the battle came stifling disappointment. Kakashi was quite looking forward to ravishing Iruka for a couple days, not to mention trying out this new thing between them. If Iruka's expression was anything to go by, he felt much the same. By the time Kakashi got done securing their targets with chakra wire, Iruka was seated at one of the many tables that had been vacated because of the fight, and Kakashi walked over to join him. 

""Iruka— " Kakashi began, but he was interrupted by the beginning of Iruka's own sentence. 

"— I've been doing some thinking," Iruka said, reaching out for Kakashi's hand. His lovely, reflective brown eyes were warm and kind, but did nothing to dispel Kakashi's anticipation. 

"And?" Kakashi prompted anxiously. 

"I don't think we needed a trial run anyways," Iruka finished, smiling widely. "If you really think about it, both of us were miserable as hell when we were apart, and even when we were together and things were Bad, we made it work for way longer than it should have. If you take that tenacity, subtract the issues we had then, and add the years of maturity we have now, what do we have?"

Kakashi smiled, remembering the wording from one of Iruka's lectures. "A balanced equation."

Iruka's smile was as bright as the sun. "Exactly."

"So we're good?"

"Yeah."

Even though the sensei seemed enthusiastic, Kakashi's insecurities whispered darkly in his ear. "Like, how good?"

"Like if you asked me to marry you right here and now… it wouldn't be a no."

Kakashi smiled so widely his face hurt. "Excellent."

"So what now?" Irka mused, nodding to their would-be assailants. 

"We wait for backup."

"And after backup?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Well, Tsunade did pay for us a stay at the resort. What do you want to do?"

"I think right now… I wanna dance with somebody," Iruka suggested, standing to his feet.

"Just somebody?" Kakashi stood as well, noting that there was quite a lovely waltz playing in the background. 

"Somebody who loves me," Iruka clarified, and Kakash pulled his lover to him with a rakish grin.

"Well, out of all these people… it sounds like you want to dance with me."

"Hmm. They don't call you a genius for nothing."

No, they didn't, and if the backup had anything to say about arriving on scene to find Konoha's favorite sensei dancing with Konoha's favorite protector, they sure as hell didn't say it to Kakashi. 

(Except Genma and Gai, but did they actually count?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yall already know the song and if yall dont..... well. That's on you. 
> 
> On another note, I LOVE YOU ALL you're so patient and lovely and kind and I hope you really enjoyed this as much as I do. You deserve the world, my lovely readers!!!


End file.
